FRIENDS - the proverbial serial on Television - Everyones favourite - On how a group of youngsters share accomodation and many other things in their lives - And as you watch each episode - you look at the humour of their friendship - each episode is actually about the mis-trust, the jealousy, the trials and tribulations of their daily life together.
Doesn't it astound you - that though they are "friends" - they have nothing but problems between them.
And is this what it is in real life too?
Each of us have had many friendships in life. Some like cement, have weathered the years and we take if for granted that the bonding will remain. But the closer you examine these long weathering friendships, they are enduring time because the sense of closeness has never trespassed inner boundaries. They have never taken the friendship for granted. That too is a Catch 22. Onlty the closest of friends can take liberties, but the moment you take liberties, the closeness goes. The solution is probably to give liberties and not take them?
When I look at my life, I can list the number of friends with whom I can take liberties. Yet even in those friendships, if I did cross a certain line, am sure that would be the end of the closeness of that friendship.
Keeping one's friends means respecting their boundaries and not yours. And if we cannot do this then the freindship was not destined to endure.
Being a friend does not mean just being together at every juncture and sitting at the same table and spending every evening together. It means that you can count on someone when you need. And if either friend is unable to express himself or his or her difficulty - then the friendship is superficial. It does not mean that the friendship does not exist. But it means that it was a friendship of convenience - which in itself is not bad. In fact the serial 'Friends' is exactly that. More contrived out of convenience rather than the kind of live long friendship that we are possibly looking for.
Losing a friendship is worse. Its always easy creating a divide. Getting together is the tough part. And when egoes get in the way then its never easy to make up.
We've lost some friends along the way - some you regret and some you don't. I've found it very strange that the closer the friends were, the more aggressive and violent the separation. Extreme sentiments either way - in the bonding as well as in the breaking.
Thinking back - given a choice - I'd rather have mellow friendships of the convenient kind as well as of the bonding kind - but certainly without the 'Yeh Dosti'* kind of extreme bonding.
Extreme bonding needs extreme sacrifice - and the CATCH 22 is that it could mean sacrificing the friendship to maintain it!!
Ram
Banjul in an extremely pensive mood
* "Yeh Dosti" - Hindi - Means "This Friendship" referring to an extreme friendship - Is a Popular Film Song from a film"Sholay" about two robin hood like crooks who are very close friends - willing to sacrifice virtually anything - even their lives - for the friend.
Quite a few 'friends' who follow my blog have called me asking "Why this suddenly emotional outburst on friendship?" "Have you been hurt?" And the answer is Ofcourse. Every expression of emotion is triggered. Who the trigger and what the trigger is not important. As we learn our lessons in life, we emote - leaving trails as we move on. But the deeper I think of it, the more Im convinced that the problem as well as its solution lies within me!
