Friday, January 23, 2015

The Great "Gods Own Country" Roadway Experience

I am a Malayalee 

(for my slightly ignorant readers, Malayalam is the language and Malayalees are people from the state of Kerala in South India)

If I were to highlight a few things Malayalees are well known for, I'd be unfair and ostracised if I didn't mention Alcohol.  I'd be disrobed if I didn't mention the Lungi. But enough has been written of our prowess in consuming distillates of high calorific value and of this colourful attire of the lower male torso. Both are legendary and we shall 'skirt' the issue.

There are the other known factors on Kerala that bring in millions of tourists  - to visit our own 'Gods Own Country' - a slogan coined to describe our state - the land of Kathakali (a form of dance with masquerade), of Ayurveda - a form or art & science of traditional healing. The Backwaters. The bedecked Elephants and drummers at temple festivals... Kerala is truly Gods Own Country.

Well, in every aspect, except ONE!

We shall delve into the exception shortly, but at the same time would state that I am convinced that it's our apparent High Literacy and a few other things that make up our state and us, the people - the unique Malayalees of Kerala.

A humorous cartoon from the internet describing the high levels of literacy in Kerala

But there is another aspect of "Malayalee existence" that we often fail to mention -  probably because it just whizzes past us - Literally.

The Malayalee Civic Sense,
(Kerala remains one of the cleaner states in India) .

However this Civic Sense that we're quite famous for and proud about - suddenly disappears the moment we get into a car, onto a road and drive!!.

We regretfully remain champions in 'our utter incomprehensible inability to observe any civic sense on the roads'.

It is completely bewildering. Put a Malayalee in a car on a road and everything suddenly goes haywire. We do not respect road rules. We do not respect other road users. We don't know what speed limits mean. We drink (..and Oh Boy do we drink!!) and drive. The only thing we notice in Diageos advertisements against drinking and driving is the Brand Diageo!!  We not only speak loudly in public on roads, we also have this terrible impossible habit of 'horning' (horning is the same as honking) while driving. And some times while not driving too!!  And we have to Horn. Horn. Horn.

On an average, every Malayalee driver in Kerala uses a horn every 7.59 seconds (measured and calibrated in great earnest by the author of this blog, but is unable to provide any scientific reference!!). Stop at an intersection. Honk. Start the car. Honk. See a friend. Honk. See a policeman. Honk. No one on the road (which is in itself a rare occurrence). HONK! a Dog on the road. Honk. A bird in the Sky. HONK. Someone else Honks. HONK. Somone else doesn't honk. HONK the list of reasons to HONK is endless. HONK.

I've over the years, been convinced that the sound pollution in Kerala on roads exceeds every other kind of pollution - all combined!!

And thereby this humble Malayalee set out to try and figure out what could causes this inexplicable paradigm shift in the civic sense of the inhabitants of Gods Own Country.

And this research, has led me to believe that we actually are a special race, in a race.

Living in Gods Own Country, Malayalees have learnt every thing about the Gods - Their opulent lifestyle. The sumptuous feasts. The gold and jewellery bedecked spouses and Elephants. The Secrets of coconut and other essential oils and jasmine flowers with their almost aphrodisiacal properties. The damsels of Kerala, with their long flowing fragrant hair - (I briefly digress remembering Al Pacinos 'Scent of a Woman') and a 'HONK' brings me back to reality - to my quest to comprehend the reasons of this cacophony.

I wonder. The Malayalees have it all. You name it. We've learnt it all.

Well, almost all.

I have realised that while they have every thing else from the Gods,  there is one thing the Malayalees of Kerala have been unable to acquire from the Gods. The ability to appear and disappear. the ability to quickly move from place to place, to teleport them selves without having to ask Scottie, to beam them up or elsewhere! (Scottie, beam me up - a phrase relating to teleportation, made famous in the famous Star Trek series)

When Malayalees travel, they travel as ordinary human beings. On pot-hole infested, narrow, winding roads with a multitude of impediments like other travelers, animated or inebriated alike, all in different modes of transport, unlike the Gods who swiftly and silently moved from scene to scene, chore to chore, place to place, enjoying the unlimited fruits offered in this glorious state of Kerala.

The Malayalees have been unable to learn this one secret from the Gods - the art of teleportation.

And thus we Malayalees, ever literate, ever inquisitive, constantly endeavour to transport ourselves as quickly as possible, to get from point A to Point Q, in as surreal "Fast and Furious-ish' manner as possible, trying to emulate the teleportation of the Gods.

And this attempt is almost 'video gamish'. (without the reset or re-start option!)

A peek into a Malayalees car and you'll find a lungi clad driver, a 'thorthe' (a handspun, discoloured thin towel draped over his shoulder - clutched firmly by the driver, virtually like an appendage that would make Linus in Charlie Brown jealous). Look further lower and you would find the drivers slipperless foot on a pedal called 'accelerator' (this foot pedal, when pressed, makes the vehicle attain higher speeds, no doubt, in a futile attempt to reach TPV ( Tele-Portation Velocity)). The Free hand of the driver would flimsily hold the steering wheel (the circular device to assist the driver to swerve left and right while attempting to navigate the pot-holes and other traffic). A closer look at the drivers steering hand, and you notice his thumb firmly glued to a button or lever or switch to one of the most important inventions within the car. 

The invention by Oliver Lucas early in 1910. 

The Electric Horn

While his invention may have been fitted in many cars since its invention, I have come to the conclusion that it has only been the 'Malayalee intervention' that has made people understand the true value and purpose of this electrical gadget.

Everyone probably knows that the horn operates on creating a magnetic field over the body of the horn, which makes everything inside vibrate and thus  release a loud reverberating noise, which we colloquially refer to as a HORN or a HONK. Many automobile manufacturers believed that this 'horn' and its audible noise would prevent accidents by alerting and averting unsuspecting users of the roads of an impending disaster. 

However, Malayalees, who have been living with and have had the Gods on their side, have not had to deal with such earthly disasters. They, afterall, live in Gods Own Country.

While Malayalees drive, their feet, escaping from within the confines of their lungis, presses far down on the accelerator, encouraging their vehicles to zoom through the narrowly entwined roads of Kerala, in an attempt almost attempting to obliterate all speed records.

The Gods have noticed that in this quest to go faster and attain TPV, Malayalees, moving from the slow days of the Ambassador Car, evolving through the Maruti 800, and then to the Audis, Jaguars and much faster cars today that slowly inch towards teleportation speeds, had begun to forget safety in this quest. Thus I presume the Gods have thought of the safety of the habitants of his own country,  and decided that the proverbial horn shall serve the Malayalees with another purpose.

(I also presume the Gods didn't increase the width of the roads in Kerala since they anyway planned to gift teleportation to these highly literate people of His Own Country.)

The Second purpose of a Horn in Gods Own Country, is to protect the Malayalee. But not only in the conventional method of making them aware audibly of a possible pending accident, but to act as an electromechanical device that produces a magnetic shield that, when activated by pressing either a lever or a button on a steering wheel, creates an impenetrable field which protects the vehicle and its occupants within, against any perceived disaster. 

As long as the horn is activated, the occupants are safe (from collision), though not necessarily from the noise and pollution

There are a few conditions however to enable this safety.

The driver of the vehicle must be a Malayalee wearing a lungi. 

But then I pondered, why the speed. Why this uncontrollable rage to overtake?

This I have figured to stem from the basic competitive attitude of these very literate malayalee clansmen.

Speed is essential to realise TPV. And yet the gift of Tele-portation may not be as abundantly available (just as the waters of the the Mulai Periyar Dam have shown that even in Gods own country there are shortfalls) - and thus this race to acquire TPV.

Thats why you will find every Malayalee driver bent on overtaking everything in front of it. At any cost.

"Leave no vehicle in Front" is religiously followed and practiced by every Malayalee driver.

And slowly true understanding dawns on me as I conclude

The Speed - to attain Tele-Portation Velocity (TPV).
The Overtaking - to ensure being among the first to receive fruits of this Godly virtue.
The Horn - to prevent and protect.

Ram Mohan
Banjul - The Gambia 2015 January

PS
I believe that the few or many accidents that do happen in Kerala are due to several facts
-  the drivers are not from Kerala
-  the drivers don't wear Lungis
-  and most often - the horns aren't working

HORN PLEASE OK
The above is written in pure jest of a condition that exists all over India.  I truly believe that we need to learn of Road rules and follow them. Civic sense on our roads will prevent the millions of accidents we have. 


Monday, January 19, 2015

Air India - BEWARE OF TOUTS - Move Over Maharaja !!

Air India’s Maharajah gets a makeover!!!

THEY'VE MISSED THE POINT!! THEYRE MISSING IT AGAIN!!

The mascot, the Maharaja was supposed to signify that no matter who you are, Air India would treat you like a Maharaja!! 

In the past, among the several makeovers they've had, Air India have always lost the plot. 


Most of its staff behaved like Maharajas ( and Maharanis) rather than treat their passengers like royalty.

They've always behaved as though it's employment for LIFE. They were protected by unions and could never be sacked for sloppy service or even for misdemeanours! And theres rarely been a Service Attitude!! 


And thats why Air India was the last option to travel when you're looking for service. It's been only either die hard patriots, or Government employees forced to fly AI or 'throw-away-prices' that constitute their passengers. 

It's an under-performing overstaffed Airline. 

For years everyones being trying to turn Air India around. They've tried changing colours, Menus, Managing Directors and what not. Always missing the 'service attitude'!

Air India just needed to ramp up its service . 

The staff needed to realise that if the service attitude was wrong, you could lose your job. 

And the airline lost business and continues to do so. Overweight (sic) Airlines have no chance of flying long. Survival happens, just because you are a National Carrier that tax payers pay for. Until there is a change in attitude, Air India is doomed. 

And NOW what do our Administrators do? 

THEY WANT TO CHANGE THE MASCOT?

And WHY?
Because they feel that the MAHARAJA is a symbol of the Elite. They feel Aam Aadmi Passengers have not been flying Air India because they feel discriminated against by the Maharaja!!!
Wake up Air India. 

And LOOK at the New Mascot!! HELP - As @rushdieexplains tweeted (and @virsanghvi re-tweeted) - Looks like a Tout you find outside Air India Offices that Air India warns you against buying tickets from. 

Heloo!! Is someone even thinking right here?

Change of mascot is almost like hoping a lucky charm will change fortunes! and my word 'what a change'!!!

Please leave our Maharaja alone!

The day you start treating passengers like Maharajas, your fortunes will change!! Until then Beware of TOUTS.

Saturday, January 17, 2015

Blaring Horns - Why cant we hear the noise?

A thought on why there hasn't been an equivalent outrage on Boko Haram atrocities as compared to the world outrage on the Paris Charlie Hebdo shootings. My take - 

LIVING IN AFRICA as a child in Ethiopia and as an adult since 1992 in Benin, Nigeria, Guinea , Guinea Bissau , Senegal and now in The Gambia, I can say that India and Africa have many similarities. We have come to live with and accept certain injustices.

What is an injustice?

To some of us, bearing loud speakers and loud air horns is something we have come to live with. Someone spitting or defecating outside our homes or even littering our community.  A few of us complain. A few of us will shout. Very few would take the trouble to actually take on some political bigwig to put a stop to the blatant abuse of our rights. What happened in Nigeria ( Referring to the inhuman massacre of many many innocent human beings by Boko Haram) is more or less a similar issue. Now before anyone accuses me of trivialising the tragedy - let me add, what was committed by Boko Haram was grossly different in magnitude and impact on the victims. But in theory, similar in attitude. The bench mark for oppression differs. In some places, use of force is an acceptable benchmark. In domestic violence, quite often if physical violence is absent, the victims feel this is acceptable as they have seen what ‘worse’ is. In a massacre in Nigeria by Bok Haram, the villagers have lived in this fear for years, that when it happens, the consequences may appear to have been inevitable - just as many others would accept judgment day – as something that could happen any time.

And there I draw a conclusion that when we, or those who live outside the realm of these atrocities, hear of a single incident in Paris are far more engaged and shocked, than when we hear of a Boko Haram massacre! The Boko haram act is almost an everyday event and a massacre of 10 or 10,000 doesn’t tingle your core spider sense. A single lone wolf attack in Paris does. It is a pathetic attitude. but it is an attitude of conditioning.

The West is quite responsible for this conditioning as much as the media is. 

The word is Sensationalisation.

An ISIS beheading is now becoming less and less sensational for the multitude of Internet or news watchers.

A friend recently reminded me how exciting the first Gulf War – Shock and Awe bombings on Iraq - were. The Birth of the CNN of today. I doubt the bombings in Syria Afghanistan Pakistan are even noticeable today. 

#JeSuisCharlie will soon be forgotten. Until the media and the terrorists find a new way to grab attention and sensationalize once again.

Sunday, January 11, 2015

Sharp Pencils

Sharp Pencils

I am quite agnostic.

I thus 'probably' will not fall for the religion and blasphemy angle to retaliatory violence.  ( the doubt - because nothing is permanent!!)

In fact it makes me abhor public religion even more. 

'Faith' is essential and is good.  But when religion becomes loud, provocative and the 'mass media' of faith, it could destroy the togetherness that faith brings.

I abhor violence. No reason can justify violence. I (unreservedly) say that anyone or any religion or faith reacting with violence is completely unjustified and an abuse on the faith itself.

What happened in Paris was not an attack against freedom of the press or a religion but was pure terrorism. Demented minds imagining that killing someone is revenge and would kill the idea.!! Unfortunately, they are just demented minds and should have no place on earth or anywhere else. 

The dialogue is easy. But in reality, is different. A few campaigning against violence will be insufficient to stem this rot.

However, as the devils advocate, I'd like to look at it from the 'other' angle too.  

If we can "switch off" for a few minutes from this particular case(Charlie Hebdo Shootings) and analyse the anger behind most human reactions, we may be able to understand where this all starts. How it flames up and spreads. And this 'wildfire' like  spread is where, in my opinion, the 'media' plays a role.

I'd go ahead and say the press, the media, the journalists & anchors, call them whatever - they need to know where to draw a line (pun intended).

Where does one draw the line between 'freedom of expression' and 'morality'. 

In my perspective, both Religion and Journalism are 'media'. 'Mass Media, for that matter. 

Lets be a little more realistic. If for example,  I insult someones loved one. A mother , sister or someone dear, would the person retaliate. How would they retaliate?  A few sensible  people may ignore me as an idiot and move on. But it is evident there would be quite a few who would verbally retaliate. A few may physically retaliate. A slap or a fist fight or even more sinister. A gun then gets pulled out or a knife. Upto this point we may not yet blame the insulted - but the "insultor" (!) The moment a gun is pulled out, the 'insultor' becomes the aggressor. Now spread this scenario to a larger group. One Group insults another group. Verbal retaliation is acceptable? Is it? Physical retaliation becomes  a mob and if weapons are used then who is to be blamed?  If I used mass media and then go about insulting a group every day? What happens? Do a reality check. Today the actions or reactions as human beings may never reflect Gandhian sentiment. Violence now uses the media to spread. The more people who hear of this violence, the more the reactions. The media becomes a part of the mayhem.

The debate then moves along to focus around a particular medium ( a Charlie Hebdo or a Danish Cartoonist) or a particular religion ( Christianity or Hinduism or Islam or Judaism, or....) if one may say so. (In alphabetical order before someone accuses me of bias :-).

Religion and The Media then create larger fault lines around an already divisive subject. Hatred grows.

Journalists seem to forget the 'reach' they have. They either believe that freedom of expression has no limits or they forget the impact it has on different audiences. How much ever one tends to believe that the Journalists of Charlie Hebo were martyrs to a cause, one must also believe that they were martyrs to a war they have chosen to start. Provoking Racism and publicly insulting statements against a particular belief is unnecessary and leads to increasing hatred. Making public derogatory statements incites people differently. And when people don't have a medium or a platform to retaliate, the hatred grows. The hatred grows like a pressure cooker and then explodes.

Retaliation must be expected. Not of course from demented minds using violence or terrorism. But there will be retaliation. To pretend that one can throw stones and not expect stones to fly back is being naive. 

We need to learn to stop stoking flames under the guise of freedom of expression. 
Misuse of a journalists power of media, brings to my memory the 26/11 attack in India.
A Barkha Dutt (I mention her alone as ai only had access to NDTV) on 26/11 giving terrorists a very clear picture where the police was, virtually assisting them ( not deliberately) but by misusing the power of the media, created much more havoc under the guise of 'informing' public of the situation.

I virtually cringe when a debate on Big Fight ( another NDTV debate on various issues), deals with Religion as it invariably ends up with inciting & more hate 'barbs'. The Media loves whipping up passion. This passion whips up controversy, anger and very very rarely helps in solving the issue being discussed. 

Yesterday we had an expert on one of the British channels virtually explaing the advantages of lone wolf kind of operations!!! Any further description here of what the person was spewing out on Television would be a virtual DIY Kit for any weak minded soul wanting to create mayhem. "The beginners guide to Terrorism" or News Reporting? We need to clamp down on this senseless freedom of the press as well as the acess terrorists have to the media.

The media have no doubt given terrorism a voice. Yes we all want to know whats happening in the world. But if we do think a little, if negative news doesnt have a voice, wouldnt there be fewer viewers or listeners and thus fewer  reactions.

It is quite clear that recruiting terrorists is becoming easier.  All it needs to do is brainwash a weak mind. Mass hypnotism . Mass Deception. 

Hatred Spreads Fast. The Media spreads it.

One communal riot in a corner of India, becomes a National riot. Rather than douse flames , the media is able to 'flame it up'. 

From a problem concering 200 people, it is made a problem concerning 1.5 Billion people.

Today, terrorist groups have official access to the media. Al Qaeda releases videos. ISIS have spokepersons. They're getting their message across through the media. 

Even if they're able to convince 1% of the people they have access to, in a country like India, they've convinced 15 Million people!! 

Without the Media, Terrorism wouldn't have a voice.

Four demented souls caught media attention in France, paralysed the country, Europe and most of the world too.  24 hour coverage on television.  The Media gave a voice to these four for over a week. 

The drama is over. And yet it continues.. 

#JeSuisCharlie became the most tweeted hashtag, showing us how gullible we are to drama. #JeSuisAhmed got a voice and many ears too. 

Je Suis DIVISIVE is the message that went out. A message that its OK to differentiate, be (unintentionally or intentionally) abusive and yet feel patriotic.
I have nothing against those who, in solidarity with those who were victims of this unnecessary carnage, have tweeted messages of compassion with #JeSuisCharlie. Many who have posted JeSuisCharlie have done so because they are sick and tired of being held hostage by mis guided elements. I have many close friends who are on the verge of becoming "militant in thought" on any discussion on Religion. And yet many tweeted in a frenzy of mass media generated hate.

And this is the result of the polarising media. 

Ordinary people who have never been vocal are now reacting. 
Reacting publicly to the voice given to divisive dissent by the media. 
Reacting only because they saw and heard.

The larger audience is unable to use public mass media. Thus the birth of mass Social media has lent them a voice too. And the louder this reactionary dissent gets, the more mayhem and hatred we will have. 

Just read through the comments page on virtually any TIMES OF INDIA article. Arguments between readers who have no face, who don't know whom they're addressing, boils down to racial and religious venom being spewed over a media that doesn't moderate these discussion. Hatred Grows and Spreads very fast.

Do we have a solution? Is censorship the answer? Is strict control the solution.?

All I can say is that education on temperament starts in the fabric of a home and parents. And at school. In the company of friends. And this is the solution for our future generations. Education from parents, schools and in the company of good people. 

However, for the present, it is only restraint from 'all media', will help. The 'medium'' of religion and the 'media' of journalism must both exhibit restraint. Then we may have hope that the spread of hatred will stop. 

Every Religion, must accept the presence of the other religions. Every Culture must accept that others have a culture to. Imbibe or learn cultures rather than impose cultures. 

And then we all may be able to co-exist!

Yes Moderation will help!
Yes Gun Control will Help!
And Pencil Control will also help for sure!

#JeSuisRamMohan
#JeSuisUn(e)EtreHumaine