Raul and the Interplanetary isms!! A look back at the past from the Future

This Blog is written in pure jest, light hearted banter on an Election that Could change India. I have great respect for honest politicians and for the lead character in my blog, but do feel his talents have great potential in other domains, rather than in the mayhem of Politics in India. 

We are in the Year 2024. But why this Strange title for a blog.
(Please refer to the FAQ section for answers)

FAQ1. What are 'isms'?  The 'isms' relate to 'intellectual' outbursts from relatively known public figures that make common people like you and me stand up and take notice. These 'ismers' then become famous and make it their business to frequently spew out these outbursts. They perform this task with a clouded sense of ostrich like idiocy, genuinely believing that they are entertaining listeners. One of them is an ex cricketer called Biddu. I imagine that the Hero of my blog is in phase one, where his 'isms' fall on us un-intentionally, but have great and growing following.

FAQ2. Why Interplanetary? The antics of our Political champions have taken Indian politics and corruption  to an "out of this world" level that can only be imagined in "galactical" proportions, thus Interplanetary!!

Remember, this Blog is written in 2024 - many many years after some political incidents in India changed the way Politics 'happens' in India. It was one of the most polarizing years in the history of Indian Elections. Global warming was taking its toll on Indian Politics too!

Year 2014  - February.  India. General Elections are due in a few months. The Loud speaker business is so profitable that BOSE has shifted to making Public Address Systems. Flag makers, Poster Printers and Gandhi Topi weavers now drive to work in Mercedes Benzs. Tea Sellers fly in in Private Jets.

RAUL SCIONI I ( an impersonation by a famous Comic Strip Character) and quite interestingly resembling one of our yesteryear politicians.

Well, I guess we all know who the hero of my blog is.  Raul, I. Scioni. The Crusader. The Champion of the poor of Raye Methi.  Up in arms to make right all the wrongs, and set India on the right path. To correct decades of mis-rule and mis-governance. To change the destiny of India… The Destiny that he says has gone completely off track -….er…. despite having been in the drivers seat, at the helm of power for the last 15 years. Having driven the car all these un-fruitful years, now a woken up Raul is screaming that he has been driving on the wrong road. Deceived by the Road Authority of India. Now, almost stranded, he rises above his misery, above the misery and poverty around him, and putting a brave, unshaven face, appeals to the masses of India :  "Friends, Romans (He has his origins from Italy) and Countrymen, Lend me Five more 'years', and I shall"….he dramatically pauses, as he imagines the audience waiting with 'baited' breath..... and he continues…".I shall respect women!! I shall fight for you. Raul , (the hero of this blog then shifts to the third person, while referring to himself), Raul will fight for you. 'I've' been behind the purdah (the screen or less literally, the scene) (while he once again shifts to first person, as though changing gears to tackle a twist on his road)... all these years and thus, please, bear no grudge against me, for it wasn't me, but people of my party who haven't kept me abreast of your issues while Raul has been busy driving." The audience is now looking all across the maidan, searching for the other Raul… and are shaken out of this as the scion continues…"….And Raul (in third person again) promises you that he will bring back the glory .. .. the Glory.." ( Once again the masses look around for the elusive other Raul and the even more evasive Glory he speaks about.) And while the mesmerized masses listen in "hypnotic reverence" (what most learned people call 'sleep'), ordinary tele viewers like us ponder, that after GW Bush I, and Biddhu… are we seeing the birth of Raul-isms?

We listen in all the more intently -

Raul lays out his master plan.

Raul promises to empower women. When asked what he meant, by an ex famous ex TV Anchor, Raul reiterates that he promises that he would provide electricity (power) to women farmers to boost productivity to address food security and bring back respect to women.

Raul promises to Bring Cleaner Technology to Delhi. When asked how he intended to do this, he simply replies that by removing all the Brooms (jhaadus), he would bring in Vacuum Cleaner Technology!!

Raul Promises to take Indian villages into a satellite orbit.. and went into great detail explaining 'escape' velocity.  Villagers seem to absorb this lesson in Rocket science in dumbstruck awe, reminding me of my lessons in Sanskrit. I remember my experience in being unable to grasp anything of the language of the Gods was more out of a void within me to comprehend anything. I however am sure that the villagers seemed to understand and could possibly empathize with Raul.  We, also however, are yet to hear how he is going to achieve VRo (take off velocity) , but he apparently has been spotted buying several cartons of Diwali Rockets.

Raul said he came out on tops when interviewed by a top anchor. It actually took quite some time to get Raul to get off the Anchors shoulders. The poor Anchor, known to grill the toughest of tough names in Indian politics, never letting anyone else have a say, was apparently last seen at the Psychiatrists, seeking help and answers as to what went wrong that fateful night when he tried to out question Raul. 

Raul, then goes on to tell us the story of his life, his life with his Grandmother who was the boss at home. His Father too had no say in the house. His Mother then became the boss of the house. He says he hasn't married because he has had to work for the Party.  He trusts his sister and hopes she will one day become boss of the house. But his brother in law doesn't speak to him anymore since Raul tore up a Bill protecting  tainted politicians and their families. His B-i-L apparently wanted the words 'and families' struck off the Bill!!

Raul tells us of his trauma after his Grandmothers assassination, though he clarifies that, while he was aware, he was not responsible for mayhem that followed since he was too young to remember!! It seems pretty impertinent for politicians clamoring for a young child to apologize for no fault of his, he seemed to want to convey!!

Raul becomes very emotional when we discus Tea. He becomes agitated and refuses to discus anything to do with Tea.  The last time we saw him in this irritable mood was when a certain well spoken Stephenite Mr M Anni Shayar offered to let a leading activist politician,  AK00, come and sweep the corridors of the CWC venue. 

Since then M Anni has been taken off the CWC Arrangements Committee. He has since become a strategy advisor for opposition parties! All proceeds to go to the CWC though, from the dedicated Congressman.

Raul also loves attending Press Conferences. Especially when they don't concern him. His favorite ones are when a Minister Maekn is at them. Maekn doesn't seem to mind when this Boy walks in, tears up some manifesto , says something to the Press and then leaves. Maeknji says he is relieved because then no one bothers about issues the Press Conference was called for in the first place.

Raul has this love for land. He loves the smell of fresh earth. and since he believes in sharing, he has always shared what ever 'earth' he has acquired with his sister and brother-in-law. A truly loving close family. However off late, ever since Raul tore some bill seeking to protect tainted politicians, Raul hasn't any longer shared any of the land with his 'sala' (an 'endearing' term for a loving 'brother-in-law' in Hindi).

In conclusion, Raul says "Raul says Raul will protect women, see they are empowered. Food Security . Power. Empowerment. Women. Jai Hind" he finishes delivering his impregnated speech with the audience bearing the whole brunt of labour! Those who didn't understand, clap with a fervency, camouflaging ignorance. Those who did understand, didn't understand anything. For nothing was indeed said.

Well, that was many years ago in India. a fateful year for many political veterans and for political aspirants and for veteran aspirants alike.

Raul quit Indian politics in 2014 saying he wasn't able to cope with the hectic schedule of Press Conferences, Manifestos and Press Interviews. The Electronic age also apparently didn't help when Manifestos were being written on IPads and tearing up I Pads wasn't easy too.

Raul, the suave consultant, now sporting a clean shaven face, drives a Lambo , seen dressed most often in Armani, now lives in Spain and spends time between Italy, Kerala (fighting for rights of Italian fishermen and their families born in Kerala) and Telengana (another home, a State that offered him, his mother, doting sister and now reunited brother in law, some land and a key to the state for life)

A quick Fly back to the Present

Shri AK00(aka AK49)  (an impersonation by a famous Comic Strip character) and strangely bearing a strong resemblance to a current politician in India

India, 2024 March : General Elections are due. Incumbent PM Mr AK00, now fondly known as Shri AK49 is preparing for Elections. The Mango Party, in power since 2019, will have a cake walk. India is free from corruption. There are no blaring speakers (BOSE has quit the PA business and gone back to making those expensive home and car audio systems). The Chinese tried to get into the FDI Retail business of manufacturing Gandhi Topis, but thanks to the clever business acumen of PM AK49 and his able team, have thwarted that effort too and the Khadi GramUdyog Bhavan is now Indias biggest and most prosperous business house.  The BPJ party (if anyone remembers) will be a distant second.  Its star campaigner of the past, (no, no not LK Admani).

RK Laxmans Common Man
A very strong resemblance to a stalwart and PM Candidate for Life for the BPJ Party
We hear he (now 107 years old), intends representing the BPJ Party at their Youth Wing forum

We're referring to the T-Man, Mr MoNa. He has quit politics and returned to a roaring international business of Tea Marketing. There is a MoNa Tea Boutique in every corner of the world today. His Home state is thriving and is still affluent,  as has always been - thanks to the ever hardworking people of Gujarat!!

Tea Magnate -MoNa ( an impersonation by a famous Comic strip character) and quite coincidentally resembling one of our yesteryear Politicians.

A huge incomplete statue has become the worlds most visited incomplete monument in the World. It has raised the tourism based economy of  Gujarat threefold. It was called the Statue of Unity. One must admit that it genuinely succeeded in uniting the people - uniting all those who opposed the plan so vehemently and was thus partly responsible for the disappearance of MoNas presence in the political arena. 

The party of Raul I Scioni went through complete transformation and became a Womens Party fighting for the Empowerment of Women. Last we heard that they were staging a Dharna outside the Reliant Power company, demanding more power for Women!

Ram

Banjul, The Gambia

27th July, 2024

PS. And with the virtual political demise of the Grand Old Party of Indian Politics, when a former PM said, in mourning, let us maintain a minute of 'silence', the whole world stood and said "shhhhhhh, he's saying something!!!

A Former Economist and Very Silent PM ( An Impersonation by the versatile &  famous Alfred E Neuman)