I don't know whether it's just me, or a far more common human tendency that afflicts others too.
These thoughts flood my mind as I read and try to conjure up an epitaph for Dr Selvi Jayalalita Jayaram, or Amma as she has been known in her more recent political rebirth.
There's no doubt that Jayalalita was an iconic politician. Surviving and thriving in the mayhem that makes Indian politics, virtually side-stepping and beating every charge and 'shastra' thrown at her, except that of an eventual medical condition, that despite all her political and financial acumen, she couldn't dodge.
There's absolutely no doubt that she was a master strategist; knew where she could fuel her campaign and evoke mass response. Her ability to be blatantly corrupt, beat the charges and use state machinery for benevolent political gain within the vote banks, would survive only possibly only in a nation that accepts corruption at the highest level of our inner selves.
We Indians have got so used to "bribery" towards our Gods, of offerings in exchange for favours, be it the 'the passin of the hat' or a 'hundi', we ask for unimaginable favours from our invisible Gods... we seem to have grown to accept the same from our deified politicians.
As much as we despise corruption, we seem to participate in it willingly.
And as I read Facebook posts expressing sympathy on the passing away of one of the strongest women in Indian politics, I wonder if these thoughts about corruption and the case she was frequently summoned under, the case of 'disproportionate assets', will ever be replaced by genuine sympathy.
As I sit and weigh these thoughts here in The Gambia, where we too have had an overwhelming change and result in the recent election, I hope I am not being insensitive to the feelings and emotionsof her supporters. All her life we have admired her and have yet abhorred her politics. But am somehow drawn to empathise on her passing.
I don't know if I can understand myself anymore.
Until I do
RIP Jayalalita
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