Raul and the Interplanetary isms!! A look back at the past from the Future

This Blog is written in pure jest, light hearted banter on an Election that Could change India. I have great respect for honest politicians and for the lead character in my blog, but do feel his talents have great potential in other domains, rather than in the mayhem of Politics in India. 

We are in the Year 2024. But why this Strange title for a blog.
(Please refer to the FAQ section for answers)

FAQ1. What are 'isms'?  The 'isms' relate to 'intellectual' outbursts from relatively known public figures that make common people like you and me stand up and take notice. These 'ismers' then become famous and make it their business to frequently spew out these outbursts. They perform this task with a clouded sense of ostrich like idiocy, genuinely believing that they are entertaining listeners. One of them is an ex cricketer called Biddu. I imagine that the Hero of my blog is in phase one, where his 'isms' fall on us un-intentionally, but have great and growing following.

FAQ2. Why Interplanetary? The antics of our Political champions have taken Indian politics and corruption  to an "out of this world" level that can only be imagined in "galactical" proportions, thus Interplanetary!!

Remember, this Blog is written in 2024 - many many years after some political incidents in India changed the way Politics 'happens' in India. It was one of the most polarizing years in the history of Indian Elections. Global warming was taking its toll on Indian Politics too!

Year 2014  - February.  India. General Elections are due in a few months. The Loud speaker business is so profitable that BOSE has shifted to making Public Address Systems. Flag makers, Poster Printers and Gandhi Topi weavers now drive to work in Mercedes Benzs. Tea Sellers fly in in Private Jets.

RAUL SCIONI I ( an impersonation by a famous Comic Strip Character) and quite interestingly resembling one of our yesteryear politicians.

Well, I guess we all know who the hero of my blog is.  Raul, I. Scioni. The Crusader. The Champion of the poor of Raye Methi.  Up in arms to make right all the wrongs, and set India on the right path. To correct decades of mis-rule and mis-governance. To change the destiny of India… The Destiny that he says has gone completely off track -….er…. despite having been in the drivers seat, at the helm of power for the last 15 years. Having driven the car all these un-fruitful years, now a woken up Raul is screaming that he has been driving on the wrong road. Deceived by the Road Authority of India. Now, almost stranded, he rises above his misery, above the misery and poverty around him, and putting a brave, unshaven face, appeals to the masses of India :  "Friends, Romans (He has his origins from Italy) and Countrymen, Lend me Five more 'years', and I shall"….he dramatically pauses, as he imagines the audience waiting with 'baited' breath..... and he continues…".I shall respect women!! I shall fight for you. Raul , (the hero of this blog then shifts to the third person, while referring to himself), Raul will fight for you. 'I've' been behind the purdah (the screen or less literally, the scene) (while he once again shifts to first person, as though changing gears to tackle a twist on his road)... all these years and thus, please, bear no grudge against me, for it wasn't me, but people of my party who haven't kept me abreast of your issues while Raul has been busy driving." The audience is now looking all across the maidan, searching for the other Raul… and are shaken out of this as the scion continues…"….And Raul (in third person again) promises you that he will bring back the glory .. .. the Glory.." ( Once again the masses look around for the elusive other Raul and the even more evasive Glory he speaks about.) And while the mesmerized masses listen in "hypnotic reverence" (what most learned people call 'sleep'), ordinary tele viewers like us ponder, that after GW Bush I, and Biddhu… are we seeing the birth of Raul-isms?

We listen in all the more intently -

Raul lays out his master plan.

Raul promises to empower women. When asked what he meant, by an ex famous ex TV Anchor, Raul reiterates that he promises that he would provide electricity (power) to women farmers to boost productivity to address food security and bring back respect to women.

Raul promises to Bring Cleaner Technology to Delhi. When asked how he intended to do this, he simply replies that by removing all the Brooms (jhaadus), he would bring in Vacuum Cleaner Technology!!

Raul Promises to take Indian villages into a satellite orbit.. and went into great detail explaining 'escape' velocity.  Villagers seem to absorb this lesson in Rocket science in dumbstruck awe, reminding me of my lessons in Sanskrit. I remember my experience in being unable to grasp anything of the language of the Gods was more out of a void within me to comprehend anything. I however am sure that the villagers seemed to understand and could possibly empathize with Raul.  We, also however, are yet to hear how he is going to achieve VRo (take off velocity) , but he apparently has been spotted buying several cartons of Diwali Rockets.

Raul said he came out on tops when interviewed by a top anchor. It actually took quite some time to get Raul to get off the Anchors shoulders. The poor Anchor, known to grill the toughest of tough names in Indian politics, never letting anyone else have a say, was apparently last seen at the Psychiatrists, seeking help and answers as to what went wrong that fateful night when he tried to out question Raul. 

Raul, then goes on to tell us the story of his life, his life with his Grandmother who was the boss at home. His Father too had no say in the house. His Mother then became the boss of the house. He says he hasn't married because he has had to work for the Party.  He trusts his sister and hopes she will one day become boss of the house. But his brother in law doesn't speak to him anymore since Raul tore up a Bill protecting  tainted politicians and their families. His B-i-L apparently wanted the words 'and families' struck off the Bill!!

Raul tells us of his trauma after his Grandmothers assassination, though he clarifies that, while he was aware, he was not responsible for mayhem that followed since he was too young to remember!! It seems pretty impertinent for politicians clamoring for a young child to apologize for no fault of his, he seemed to want to convey!!

Raul becomes very emotional when we discus Tea. He becomes agitated and refuses to discus anything to do with Tea.  The last time we saw him in this irritable mood was when a certain well spoken Stephenite Mr M Anni Shayar offered to let a leading activist politician,  AK00, come and sweep the corridors of the CWC venue. 

Since then M Anni has been taken off the CWC Arrangements Committee. He has since become a strategy advisor for opposition parties! All proceeds to go to the CWC though, from the dedicated Congressman.

Raul also loves attending Press Conferences. Especially when they don't concern him. His favorite ones are when a Minister Maekn is at them. Maekn doesn't seem to mind when this Boy walks in, tears up some manifesto , says something to the Press and then leaves. Maeknji says he is relieved because then no one bothers about issues the Press Conference was called for in the first place.

Raul has this love for land. He loves the smell of fresh earth. and since he believes in sharing, he has always shared what ever 'earth' he has acquired with his sister and brother-in-law. A truly loving close family. However off late, ever since Raul tore some bill seeking to protect tainted politicians, Raul hasn't any longer shared any of the land with his 'sala' (an 'endearing' term for a loving 'brother-in-law' in Hindi).

In conclusion, Raul says "Raul says Raul will protect women, see they are empowered. Food Security . Power. Empowerment. Women. Jai Hind" he finishes delivering his impregnated speech with the audience bearing the whole brunt of labour! Those who didn't understand, clap with a fervency, camouflaging ignorance. Those who did understand, didn't understand anything. For nothing was indeed said.

Well, that was many years ago in India. a fateful year for many political veterans and for political aspirants and for veteran aspirants alike.

Raul quit Indian politics in 2014 saying he wasn't able to cope with the hectic schedule of Press Conferences, Manifestos and Press Interviews. The Electronic age also apparently didn't help when Manifestos were being written on IPads and tearing up I Pads wasn't easy too.

Raul, the suave consultant, now sporting a clean shaven face, drives a Lambo , seen dressed most often in Armani, now lives in Spain and spends time between Italy, Kerala (fighting for rights of Italian fishermen and their families born in Kerala) and Telengana (another home, a State that offered him, his mother, doting sister and now reunited brother in law, some land and a key to the state for life)

A quick Fly back to the Present

Shri AK00(aka AK49)  (an impersonation by a famous Comic Strip character) and strangely bearing a strong resemblance to a current politician in India

India, 2024 March : General Elections are due. Incumbent PM Mr AK00, now fondly known as Shri AK49 is preparing for Elections. The Mango Party, in power since 2019, will have a cake walk. India is free from corruption. There are no blaring speakers (BOSE has quit the PA business and gone back to making those expensive home and car audio systems). The Chinese tried to get into the FDI Retail business of manufacturing Gandhi Topis, but thanks to the clever business acumen of PM AK49 and his able team, have thwarted that effort too and the Khadi GramUdyog Bhavan is now Indias biggest and most prosperous business house.  The BPJ party (if anyone remembers) will be a distant second.  Its star campaigner of the past, (no, no not LK Admani).

RK Laxmans Common Man
A very strong resemblance to a stalwart and PM Candidate for Life for the BPJ Party
We hear he (now 107 years old), intends representing the BPJ Party at their Youth Wing forum

We're referring to the T-Man, Mr MoNa. He has quit politics and returned to a roaring international business of Tea Marketing. There is a MoNa Tea Boutique in every corner of the world today. His Home state is thriving and is still affluent,  as has always been - thanks to the ever hardworking people of Gujarat!!

Tea Magnate -MoNa ( an impersonation by a famous Comic strip character) and quite coincidentally resembling one of our yesteryear Politicians.

A huge incomplete statue has become the worlds most visited incomplete monument in the World. It has raised the tourism based economy of  Gujarat threefold. It was called the Statue of Unity. One must admit that it genuinely succeeded in uniting the people - uniting all those who opposed the plan so vehemently and was thus partly responsible for the disappearance of MoNas presence in the political arena. 

The party of Raul I Scioni went through complete transformation and became a Womens Party fighting for the Empowerment of Women. Last we heard that they were staging a Dharna outside the Reliant Power company, demanding more power for Women!

Ram

Banjul, The Gambia

27th July, 2024

PS. And with the virtual political demise of the Grand Old Party of Indian Politics, when a former PM said, in mourning, let us maintain a minute of 'silence', the whole world stood and said "shhhhhhh, he's saying something!!!

A Former Economist and Very Silent PM ( An Impersonation by the versatile &  famous Alfred E Neuman)

words & symbols

Authors Note : With all due respect to my Grand Uncle, Late K C S Panicker, this blog has nothing to do with his Series of Modern Contemporary Paintings titled Words & Symbols ( a picture below  of which is self explanatory - for those not conversant with Modern Indian Contemporary art and artists of the famous Madras School)

The Words and Symbols in my Blog are evidently based on recent Political events back home in India, more specifically, the result of the results of the New Delhi Elections - 

words & symbols
Words & Symbols that wont be welcome at Congress HQ or No 1. Race Course Road, till the next Elections at least :

• -  Aap :  Sonia has requested all juniors,  including her son, daughter and son-in-law to do away with the respectful word and may now call her using Tu or tum or you.
  
• -  Baapu :  Mahatma Gandhi can no longer be referred to as Baapu.
  
• -  Nazia Hassans hit from the 70s, "Aap jaisa koi" has been declared seditious
  
• -  Rajesh Khannas hit film "Aap ki Kasam" has been recalled by the censor board
  
• -  R K Laxmans cartoons have also been declared Anti Poor and thus banned from all schools and public libraries! ( However sources not wanting to be revealed have said that the old guard of the BJP have adopted R K Laxmans Common Man due to a strange resemblance to one of their stalwarts. We also hear that the BJPs Presidential Candidate has thrashed these rumours. )
  

  

  R K Laxmans "Common Man"

  
  
• -  Mangoes are no longer Indias National Fruit and can only be referred to as "Mangifera Indica".  The Hindi word for Mangoes may no longer be used. The fruit has been banned from being served at home and at office. We hear a visiting MPs Driver has been dismissed for suggesting he loved Aam(Mangoes).
  
• -  Note: An attempt was made to nominate 'Parthenium Hysterophorus' to replace the Royal Mango as Indias vegetative symbol, but that was soon scuttled, and the paper torn up by Rahul at a Press Conference.
  

  

  PARTHENIUM HYSTEROPHORUS (Commonly known as Congress Grass)

  
  
• -  Aaplause, Claaping, Aapreciation,,,,,Aapathy, Chaapathi,,,  And other words that may remind the electorate of, and promote the "flash in the pan" political party AAP, that Rahul so very much wants to now emulate, can hereby no longer be used in their presence.
  
• 
  
• -  Ravinder Jadeja has unceremoniously been dropped from the Indian Cricket team when No. 1 Race Course Road heard that his nickname was Jhaadu!!
  
• 
  
• -  The City Sweepers Association were ecstatic as everyone of them had been given a vacuum cleaner each.  All their earlier implements were destroyed.  
• 
  
• -  Rahul had gone one step further and  passed a new promulgation calling it the Access to Cleaner Technology for The Urban and Rural Poor Bill where everyone in the country would have access to a Vacuum cleaner if they agreed to destroy their jhaadus (brooms).  India HAS to set a modern example, he had said.

- However, we hear the Sweepers have since gone on strike realising that these modern implements need electricity, something they haven't had,  to run. 

• -  And Breaking news, We just hear Rahul has attended another Press Conference and torn up the proclamation and has vowed to find a solution to provide an alternate to the Broom in the near future ( before the 2014 elections). We hear that it may be an Act to Provide Electricity to all Sweepers - before 2014 May!!
  
• 
  
• -  He added that All Congress leaders have been banned from making Sweeping remarks. ...…..
  
• The story continues....
  
  Ram
  Engrossed watching the Memorial Service For Tata Madiba Nelson Mandela… 
  Banjul 10th December, 2014
  

An Ode to the Aam Aadmi Party

From my Facebook Page, after Arvind Kejriwals Aam Aadmi Party (AAP) surprised everyone at the Delhi Elections trouncing both the incumbent Congress as well as the overconfident BJP.

The Congress party lost virtually everything it had, and the BJP - despite claiming a Modi effect, got lesser votes than it did when it lost the elections last year!! 

Suddenly every one is seeing things differently... Mirror images, reverse swings..
No Cricket
All about the Election Ticket
About Political Fame
About a Partys' Name
Who's AAP?
No one knew!
Whatsaap?
Broom?
And few said " a chatroom"
The movie PAA… (AAP in reverse)
The Movie MAA ..(Similarly AAM in reverse)
A few took this a "guessical" chance
"No No, Were not talking about the Bachchans"
Political Partys
Not Kitty PAArties

AAplause
PAAuse
Broom, Vroom,
Dhoom, Doom
Sweep, Weep
Ho Ho Ho
Its us the people of the Mango

This DESH will be
No more Cagey
With this Fiery man Kejri
Nothing hidden behind his firewall
Enough is Enough says
Mr Kejriwal,
And we ask, Who?"
We the people( Tum ya tu)
Now respectfully AaP
The Aaposition shouts ShaddAAP
Everyone smiles, engages ,
Sending smses, emails and Whatsaap messages
... Huh...
This Bharat is going to change
(Nothing to do with Julian Assange)
But a simple ( symbolic ) man
Who challenged political greed
Set up a new Breed
Of people,
Similar to one who sat under the Pipal

(Not that old  Biddy
From Ralegaon Siddi)
But the Original, The One,
Not the bounder
We speak of The Buddha, the Founder 
Of a society that shun 
Want & Lust.

And to end this ode,
I must
Switch off from a poetic mode
Say SalaAAm
Aam Aadmi Party
We Pray you're here to Be.
Ram
Hope there is reason beyond this rhyme.
December 10th, 2014 as the Delhi Election goes into a possible Presidents Rule and as Anna Hazare goes into another Hunger Strike trying to regain lost ground..

"A Hazar Anna Hazares" revisited : The Aam Aadmi Effect

The Anna Hazare Blog was originally written in 2011.. when a whole lot of activists, yogic tantriks, disgruntled civic servants and politicians and a whole lot of people got on to support a seemingly senile yet principled person. However now, two years later, Arvind Kejriwals Aam Aadmi Party ( The Common mans party or Mango (English for Aam ) Peoples Party :-) has just created history. Before the elections, Anna Hazare tried as much as possible to distance himself from Arvind Kejriwal claiming all sorts of malpractices committed by Kejriwal. Ex Delhi Policewoman, distanced herself too. The Yogi of course ran away much earlier, disguised as a woman, thankfully never to be let onto the stage of the AAP.

In a complete reversal of the sentiments written in the earlier Blog, today Anna Hazare seems senile. Pathetically trying to run and clumsily clamber onto a missed bus. Tripping and falling in many peoples reverence for this Gandhian who seemed to want change, but not the power. Now that the Bus has moved out of the park, he seems to clamour for credit.

He tried to puncture the bus halfway through the critical phase of polling, and yet the AAM Bus moved on.

As I read through my earlier Blog (quoted below), I too realize how wrong I was then.

One character in that Blog turned out to be the real hero and the real Hero in that blog turned out to be the joker. Will he be the villain of this story now?

I admit that I was wrong then and I have become a fan of Arvind Kejriwal over the last few months.

Will he be able to control the masses and the asses who want to board his bus?

A debate is on right now on NDTV with Nidhi Razdan trying to eke out controversy over Prashant Bhushans rider to the BJP.. while a ticker tape news bulletin reads that Anna Hazare has gone on his nth Fast unto death … Coinciding with the AAP Bus departure, seems he has decided to board at any cost!!

The memory of a million Gandhi topis(hats) inscribed "I am Anna" have not so mysteriously become "I am Aam Aadmi" cementing a certain but positive shift in the  movement.

Am I too an Aam Aadmi?

The 2011 Blog :

I often wonder how many of us had heard of Anna Hazare over 6 months ago? ( I can of course practically see those intellects stand up, saying that they knew of this Gandhian from Ralegan Siddhi - in typical 'Silencer' ( the fourth and only idiot in the now famous Three Idiots) fashion!! Well I hadn't heard of him. The first mental visual when I heard the name, was that of a blonde spouse of a Cricketing hero. This is typical of the current mental state I am in. I've been trying to practice thinking 'out of the box', that the thought process starts with the most bizarre, furthest out of the box thoughts. Others laugh. I've got used to me. Thus, once convinced that Anna Hazare was indeed a Gandhian, following principles of Non-violence, making a serious effort to fight corruption, my mindset about the person changed. only to be rudely shaken back, into a box, when lo-and-behold, there stood alongside him, the usual suspects - politicos in orange garbs, tantrics wielding political microphonic megaphones, and of course with some brilliant actors too. ( I refer not to the presence of Aamir Khan, whom I genuinely admire, but to the theatrical skills of former employees of TATA Steel and the Indian Police Force, respectively (without respect!) The antics and drama, brought to the forefront of a genuine fight against corruption, have made this make Anna or Team Anna look terribly monologued! They look like the "Lagaan" cricket team at practice. All running like headless chicken! Making mockery of a genuine Indian concern! A Billion people, plagued by corruption, yet living with it in as though in a marriage (An Indian Marriage at that!! No morally acceptable separation)! I read this in a friends comment on the same subject. You realise that a vast majority of us who have just heard of Anna Hazare, feel some sort of empathy. Millions of us. Yet we seem impotent in being able to effectively do something about it. The standard rhetoric is - If you want to do something about It then cast your vote! Or Join Politics. UGH. Well, until we start Overseas NRI voting for the first option. The second option - not an easy one for many of us who don't play games! The first one is a one time option for a full term and thus makes no sense! It would take a tremendous effort to make any change during the tenure. And that's where the problem with our democracy lies. The incumbent politician rakes in the most he can till the next election. The Hazar Hazares will scream and shout, go on hunger strikes. Can they make a difference? Will they be able to reduce corruption? Or are they going to replace an entrenched corrupt system with another one? The more one sees the hanger ons and the dramatists alongside, the less the Hazar Hazares will be seen behind the real Hazare. 

Nairobi, Enjoying the wonderful climate ...from Indoors!! October, 17th, Wednesday, 2011

Why …Why is it so difficult to say Goodbye

Tata - Madiba - Nelson Mandela

How does someone whom you have never met,
Someone you don't even know
Affect your life in a manner so different
No Pomp No Glamour No Drama
Yet a story so deep so touching
As though a family member

Madiba, we thank you for showing the way
to lead with conviction, without a war
but a battle so strong that
Far away brutal supremacies
bowed down and join now
to revere your humble, simple yet
powerful personality

We celebrate your life
now that you have gone
we knew you not
we touched you not
yet why why why
is it so difficult to say goodbye.

I honestly don't know in what way I can say that Nelson Mandela has affected my life. But I do know that like an aura,, a dream.. the smile in his eyes, the wrinkles on his face… seemed to always speak to me. Remind me of a person, who was so much like our very own Gandhi and yet lived his life in front of us, Real and Present. Having led South Africa to freedom from Apartheid, freed the anger of a brutal regime and soothed the hurt, and moving South Africa forward seeking solace rather than revenge… His voice choked my chest and continues to bring tears to my eyes, while we celebrate with South Africans.. lilting chanting music in the background… in true South African manner

Thank you Madiba, Tata, Nelson Mandela..
Without knowing me, you have made me try to be a better person!
Ram Mohan
5th December 2013

A Tale of Two Movies - Chennai Express & Bhaag Milkha Bhaag

Honestly dont know if I should take the train home or just simply run away from all reality!

Just landed in India, and thought of a novel manner to tackle 'jetlag'.  Why not 'fatigue' the jet lag away by watching two new Indian movies... in two days! And thanks to the absence of a theatre (cinema hall) back home, where we live, in The Gambia, it seemed a novel way to un-lag ourselves.

The top two reviews we had been following were for the ShahRukh south India based film, 'Chennai Express' and for the epic biopic of Milkha Singh, brought to life by one of my all time favorites, Farhan Akhtar.

Going by reviews and friendly internet banter, we decided to go for Chennai Express first. We humorously decided to leave our brains behind!

The following day we went for the more serious film, Bhaag Milkha Bhaag (Run Milkha Run), prepared for a mentally challenging and motivating evening, we loaded our brains, and handkerchiefs too. 

The emotions we went through after each of these films that weremade in styles diametrically opposed, were equally and contrastingly different.

I actually came out of Mayajaal, where we watched Chennai Express, after a few hours that whizzed past us louder and faster than the train itself, filled with snippets of colourul, loud dialogues, music and over-dramatic fights, surprisingly, in a cheerful mood and a smile. (This, despite the reluctant and un removable chewing gum some kid had left on my seat - for which I had to hop into the store below and buy a new shirt). The songs and dances were entertaining. The Tamil dialogues, the characters that spewed Tamilness, the Hyderabadi Tamil spoken by the beautiful heroine, the sometimes silly and sometimes old 'sic' jokes, the sometimes predictable ShahRukh laughter and dialogue, the "ketchup overflowing" fight scenes, echoing with standard Martina Navratilovaish grunts, all seemed to vanish into thin air once I steppd oout of the theatre and the sheer beauty of the locales, the heroines dimples and the happy ending was all I could remember after the movie. I was actually smiling. I still Am. 

The next day, The next movie mission.  We managed to get tickets at the Skywalk place in Aminjikarai, some 25 gruelling kilometers from home. Yet, determination to watch this most highly rated film , egged us on!! The theatre was better, seats more comfortable, and we sat back, loaded with popcorn, all set for a good film.

We could have shot ourselves!

The Anti climax was quite perverse.  Expecting the high standards of acting, production and direction that we know Farhan Akhtar to deliver with seemingly little effort, I felt stumped! Cheated by the DRS system! We had our brains along. We were trying to analyse what hit us. Did the Director forget his brains too?  I may sound too critical. But it was a let down. First impressions : Long. Too Long.... .. Toooo LONG..   .. and excruciatingly repetitive. Dragging. The storyline though, did seem quite good and innovative. I didn't know much about Milkha Singh except of his fourth place in the Rome Olympics.  I guess I learned a lot about him from the film.  The synopsis of the film was great. Moving the film story,  from a sporting loss and invisible disgrace after the Rome Olympics,  to an exciting  Indo-Pak contest, with a happy ending.

The film should have been just as long as the synopsis.  An exageration of his childhood misdemeanors, the repetitive stealing of coal, rubber ball messaging services, to ultra gory scenes of his past, over explicit sound clips of his sisters nocturnal plight, long drawn description of his overseas love affair with a phirang, ....then those nice but similar 4,5 or 6 repetitive bhangra laced songs, then the first icing ... slap, slap, ..slap and slap again.. .. and just when you thought those agonizing slaps were over...two or three more slap, slap slaps...those self inflictied slaps to exhibit his regret at missing training, and then ... the cherry on the icing - the milking of Milkhas sweat,  repeated twice in sweaty steamy detail... kind of left us with a feeling that the Director had lost the plot!! The film then shockingly dropped the very raison d'être Milkha transformed from a troubled, delinquent, revenge seeker to the 'motivated-to-become-honest' army man - His Love. The Object of his determination. The Heroine - Sonam Kapoor...The Director just lets her disappear. You do imagine that the successful athelete rides back to Pakistan to look for her... and its a single dialogue - his friend says shes gone. and while Milkha sobs a good half an hour (tears this time and saliva) to bring the gory flashback of his fathers death, ... the movie is as good as over. A good editor could have easily have trimmed this marathon epic into a 90 minute award winning biopic. Instead, we left the Cinema hall wanting to run away. Bhaag Raam Bhaag was all I could think about in the aftermath.

Go watch Chennai Express expecting nothing.  I feel for Non Tamil speaking Indian bretheren who will have to try and read English subtitles at Chennai express speed.  This may be one reason for poor reviews for Chennai Express from Non Tamil Speaking critics. The Tamil speaking critics may criticize Deepikas Hyderabadi accent, but I thought that was a deliberate and genuine twist. The producers may however have to include Bhojpuri, Gujarathi, Hindi, Malayalam, BEngali and Tamil subtitles too for this movie to have cross cultural appeal all over India.

Bhaag Milkha Bhaag may need a better editor. I'd beg them to add a few more scenes for Sonam Kapoor. Id advise BMB (Luckily they didnt name the film Bhaag Oh Milkha Bhaag ( the acronym may have ben apt though) viewers who are ardent fans of Farhan Akhtar, to watch the film while cooking a four course Indian meal, without using the remote control. An hour of cooking during the movie may help you retain your admiration for Farhan Akhtar.

Brazil Blog #1 : A is for "a Caipirinha", B is for .....

Authors(Bloggers) Note : Misconception Number 1 : Brazilians may be fun loving ,love wild music, and dress provocatingly...but in real life,  they are not flirtatious, frivolous as my blog or their clothing may indicate. The clothing is a partly due to the climate and also due to simplicity. There is a very strong family bonding here. Family time is Prime time. 

Now to the Blog

What's it with Brazil?

I've just been here for 72 hours and I'm already feeling like an introvert... I sit in my room or at the Hotel pool bar, with a hesitant fear to go out or lift my head. While they do say its a little dangerous out there, I  unequivocally can say that it's terribly dangerous out there. 

And I am NOT referring to street crime here. I'm frightened at becoming weak... of losing self control... of becoming bold..  of becoming another one of those typical Indian male, traveling single, business tourists.. to yield to temptation - temptation that seems to flirtatiously float around in dangerously close proximity.

This is a really wicked place.. I feel like Adam.. and I'm sitting in my room..only to prevent our future humankind from paying for sins that I dont want to commit!!

But before you think Im going into the usual rhetoric about bold, buxom, brazen Brazilian women in Fortaleza, I shall fearlessly say, that this isn't a blog about male lust, or about weaknesses. It is more about a drink, a potion of sorts that has given me the courage to step out into the streets of Fortaleza.

Today,  am also writing to bring a little truthful reality to common misconceptions about Brazil, especially those brought about by silly blogs and bloggers like me.. ..Indian businessmen on a business trip, ogling, flirting, wandering and wishing they had brought their sunglasses to enable them to sneak those furtive glances at the exposure, without exposing themselves!

On day #One, you inherit from the ambience, this typical fear to lift your eyes. If at all you happen to yield, let your heart take over, raise your head, then suddenly the world around you starts galloping faster.  Your heart beats guiltily faster. Your head wishes it could turn around a whole 180 degrees..just like in those cartoon films... Your head spins. In real life, your head would be wrenched out of your neck. Not wrenched out by your spouse for overseas misdemeanors, but by the very movement of human traffic around you, that urges you to get up, merge with the distant rhythms, and hypnotically follow.

Thats when you panic! You imagine yourself headless.. you imagine that you will live an ostrich like existence... never be able to merge into the multitude of colors, the very ones that make you dizzy : 

You need a break. You need a miracle.

You sit down at a roadside restaurant and discover this Brazilian magic potion. And by magic, that one first sip, will distract you at first and will bring relief to your quandary... a few more sips and glasses will make your vision go a little blurry, but at the same time, will calm you down. A very 'OM' like chant, repeated often, it could take you into a blissfully serene state of mind, however, be cautious, as it also could take you to a highly un meditational state of tranquility!! 

The Caipi ( Caipirinha.. Wonder Mixer Fixer)

The first time I learnt of the potion, the "Caipirinha", strangely enough wasn't any where in these temperate warm humid like climates, where it becomes an essential part of not just culture, but of a natural sense to strip down to the bear minimum of clothing, without an iota of fear or apprehension that would make anyone feel this now very distracting piece of apparel be ever considered inappropriate.

I, strangely enough first had my first Caipirinha in cold, freezing, shivery Kiel in Germany, in Winter, at Angela & Madhu's home, years ago ..celebrating the arrival of a New Year. It was snowing and was cold... Everyone clothed like 'show-off' eskimos,.. and we were warming ourselves up with this cold frozen drink... The sugar with crushed lemon and Cachaça (-ka-sha-ssa-) - a kind of white clear rhum based alcohol distilled from the juice of the sugar cane!! "This is a Caipirinha", Madhu informed me.  Never would I have dreamt that 15 years later, I would be sitting on the roadside in Fortaleza, Brazil, blogging about this very powerful magical Caipirinha, and more pertinently, it being a solution for first time visitors to get over the 'feel embarrassed while you stare' in Brazil syndrome. 

Making the Magic Potion:

Scoop a couple of table spoons of brown sugar (..and before I even start conceiving this tale, I land up at #Controversy No:1 - I've grown to be a popular Caipirinha maker, shaker and taker..and have always been insisting that a real Caipi (blissfully shortened name, akin to many other short things in Brazil) needs to be made with Brown sugar.... and here, in the Mecca of Caipirinhas...I'm told very matter of factly, that it is normally made using regular White Sugar!! This will have to be clarified before I leave the shores of Iracema* )... Well, back to the recipe to conjur up this lethal fix..... You will have to cut two whole lemons into 16 quarters, dollop them into your V shaped Caipirinha hard glass (#Controversy No:2 - We have always made and drank our Caipis in a Hard V shaped glass, However, here in its alleged birthplace, I've had Caipis in every shaped and sized glass!!) You then menacingly take this little wooden baton, crush the lemons and the sugar under, smothering the sugar crystals with the lime, taking care to respect the harsh outer skin of the lemons, yet the expertise to extract essential extracts from the inside of  the lime. Then the all important, a very nice, large, pouring of Cachaça into the glass... then top up the glass with crushed Ice (Controversy No:3 - Always use crushed ice, my mentor , my tutor told me 15 years ago..and we religiously made Caipis with crushed Ice... I have had Caipis with all forms of ice, from cubes to crushed, and thus will have to learn the true form to use chilling supplements in this drink - Anyone?)... Then the bartender and the dancer merge. The drink from the land of Samba and the Carnival.. needs a little music to make the mix mix. Invert the shaker and shake the mixture in a very un James Bondly style...shake it, Stir up the movement and pour the whole thing into the glass, drop a pre cut straw into the glass, with the straw just a few inches over the brim, permitting the escaping wisps of lime, chacaça, chilled spray, tickle your nostrils while your tongue begins to listen to the music within your imagination. A few sips, interspersed with intermissions to now stir up the crushed ice, mix the brown sugar (*) with the Cachaça and agitate the lemon bits to have a say in the flavors... and then a few more sips...mix mix.. the rhythm of the music.. slowly envelopes you... The sugar dissolves slowly, romancing with the Cachaça, dancing with the lime. The Caipirinha clouds up. The Ice melts. The level in the glass reduces. Your mind clears, the cloudy fog lifts, your vision remains focussed, now completely oblivious of inhibitions, now subconsciously conscious of the shape, size and colours of tissue on seemingly invisible torsos, that not so very long ago, almost condemned you to a period of solitude. 

"Mais um Caipirinha, por favor.. " (one more Caipirinha, please)

and you have begun a true tryst with a new culture, now, shedding all inhibitions into oblivion. 

Ram 

in Fortaleza
Gaining courage to go out alone
Learning more about Caipirionomics!